The chocolate story

» 18 December 2013 » In Kids »

Last year, we got the kids LEGO Advent calendars and they were a huge success. We didn’t call them Advent calendars, however, because we didn’t put a religious spin on them. Instead we commercialized the hell out of them and called them Countdown to Christmas calendars. And we shamelessly bribed the children into good behavior each day by threatening to withhold the precious cargo if they didn’t shape up.

This year, I found a calendar at Whole Foods with some free-trade chocolate, which made me feel superior to everyone who bought his or her kids’ high-fructose-corn-syrup-laden Advent calendar at Big Lots. Imagine my surprise when I got it home and Josh raised his eyebrows.

“What’s with the nativity scene?” he asked.

“Where?” I asked indignantly. Why would there be a nativity scene on an Advent calendar? Oh. Right. And there, in the middle of the calendar with the big old “25″ on it, was a huge halo lighting the happy little family from behind. Well, ummm, yeah. But it’s free trade, Josh! No blood chocolate here! The beans were picked by happy, contented cocoa plantation workers who were paid a decent wage and were all over the age of 18 with access to health care and schooling!

Josh sighed and walked away and I triumphed to open tiny door No. 1 the next day. And lo, the Holy Spirit must have entered our home because all I have to do is even hint that the little doors will remain closed and behavior is magically changed for the better. If this is religion, sign me up.

But every night when they open the door for that day, we all get a little 411 on Bethlehem and Mary and Joseph and there being no room at the inn. Not only don’t my children know who the three kings are, but they also don’t know what an inn is. Teachable moments!

Which brings us to the car ride home from Boston Market last week. Listen, the kids had tennis until 5 p.m. and I had a holiday party with the moms from school and the siren song of the drive-thru called my name.

As we pulled out of the restaurant driveway onto the main street, Emmie excitedly pointed out her side of the car. “Look! Hey guys, look, there’s that family from the chocolate story!”

Jack and Maeve immediately congratulated her on such a good spot and I frantically ran through a mental list of what in the name of glue guns she could be talking about. I saw a lit-up manger scene in someone’s front yard and realized she was referring to the Holy Family. But of course, she knows them as the family from the calendar. I almost drove the car into the median trying to stifle my laughter.

Not to be outdone, Jack kicked in his own two cents. “Emmie, did you know that baby’s name is Yeezus?”

I actually shook with silent laughter and thanked the baby Yeezus that we were stopped at a red light as there was no way I could have driven even two more feet in such a state. Kanye would be so proud.

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22 Comments on "The chocolate story"

  1. Amy
    Heather Gendron
    20/12/2013 at 8:07 am Permalink

    This is too funny. I have seen those LEGO advent calenders everywhere lately. They are pretty cute, I must admit. Kids say amazing things though!
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  2. Amy
    Pam
    22/12/2013 at 1:22 pm Permalink

    Yeah, we are in sort of the same boat. No preaching of religion here, although I do still display my grandfather’s nativity every year which lends itself to interesting discussions when my four year old daughter asks me about it and I hem and haw a lot because how do you explain the whole shebang when you don’t really talk religion, well…ever. Oh, my daughter seems to think the baby’s name is “Genius”. Oh well.

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  4. Amy
    Precious Princess
    01/01/2014 at 9:43 am Permalink

    Loved this. I actually laughed out loud. Baby Yeezus. *Snorting*

  5. Amy
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    04/01/2014 at 10:09 am Permalink

    I have really enjoyed following your blog recently, and find it quite witty and entertaining. That being said, I was really disappointed by this post. It always surprises me when seemingly well educated and critically thinking adults choose not to educate their children on religion. To raise children in America where something like 80 percent of the population identify themselves as Christians and to not teach your children the basics of what Christians believe seems ridiculous, to me anyways. Religion is such a huge part of the rich cultures of the world and of history. You don’t have to believe in it to learn about it/teach your kids what it is and how it has affected our world.

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    07/01/2014 at 1:45 pm Permalink

    Okay, your Boston Market has a drive-thru? You win.

    “there’s that family from the chocolate story!” Best line ever.

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    08/01/2014 at 8:38 am Permalink

    The Chocolate Story? Funny moment, but why are you hiding the Christian story from the kids?

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    Ha ha, You are too funny. I loved reading this chocolate story thing :P

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